I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize