I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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