I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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