New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
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According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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