You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
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You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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