wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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