In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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