Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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