I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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