1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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