if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize