This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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