Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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