He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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