sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize