So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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