i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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