R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize