What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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