so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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