News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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