I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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