I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it because I queefed?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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