I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize