i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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