Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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