I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize