so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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