I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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