The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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