can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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