college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
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I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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