New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize