I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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