Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
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no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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