Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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