1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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