her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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