You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize