piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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