God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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