Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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