I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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