I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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