Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize