Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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