I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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