we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize