i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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