she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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